Supporting Children Through Family Changes

A comforting embrace between two women.

Standing in Their Corner

In my years practicing family law in Long Beach, I've sat across the table from spouses on every side of a marriage dissolution. I don't just see myself as an attorney — I see myself as an advocate for the whole family, especially the children caught in the middle.

Facing the Short-Term Fallout

Every child processes divorce differently, but I've noticed the short-term effects tend to look similar: a dip in self-esteem, heightened anxiety, bouts of sadness, and less meaningful time with parents. Those effects often ease with time, but that doesn't mean parents should wait to act. Kids need support right now, in the thick of it.

Below are the strategies I encourage my clients to use to help their children move through this transition with confidence.

Reminding Them They're Loved, Constantly

I tell my clients there's no such thing as saying "I love you" too often — and that goes for the other parent too. I encourage them to back up their co-parent's relationship with the kids rather than undermine it. A simple message like "I know this is hard without your mom/dad here, but you always come first — tell me what you need" goes a long way.

Keeping Life Predictable

I remind my clients that stability matters more than almost anything else during this period. Kids shouldn't have to sacrifice their friendships, sports, or after-school activities just because their household is changing.

  • Talk to your co-parent about your kids' existing routines
  • Coordinate together so schedules and activities stay consistent
  • Avoid piling on unnecessary changes during an already disruptive time

Creating Space for Honesty

I advise my clients that their kids need to feel heard. When a child seems withdrawn or upset, I encourage parents to ask directly what's going on and invite them to be open — even when the answer is uncomfortable.

Parents owe their kids honesty in return. Kids' questions can be hard, but I stress the importance of answering them truthfully, in a way that fits their age and understanding.

Showing Up, Even Without All the Answers

I often suggest that once a child has shared their feelings, parents ask a simple question: "What would help right now?" Sometimes it's a walk together, a movie night, or just sitting side by side quietly.

I remind my clients that support isn't about having the perfect response — it's about being present. Dismissing a child's worries with empty reassurance does more harm than good; validating what they're feeling matters most.

Protecting Their Privacy

Certain conversations aren't for little ears. I make clear to my clients that speaking negatively about an ex in front of the kids is off the table — that's a firm boundary — and the same goes for logistics, living arrangements, and legal matters within earshot.

I recommend any discussion about the divorce happen away from home, at a time when the kids aren't around.

Avoiding Conflict in Front of Them

Tense exchanges don't stay hidden — kids pick up on tone, body language, even a sigh, whether the conversation happens in person, over the phone, or by text.

I encourage my clients to stay civil with their co-parent, regardless of how contentious things get behind the scenes. When conflict spills into view, kids end up anxious, sad, and struggling to adapt. Instead, I remind parents to reinforce that it's okay to love both parents fully, and that their kids will never be asked to choose sides.

Bringing in a Support Network

  • I tell my clients they don't have to carry this alone, and neither do their kids.
  • Grandparents, aunts, uncles, close family friends — these relationships give children extra layers of comfort and stability, while easing some of the weight off a parent's shoulders.
  • Letting trusted adults take the kids to a game, the park, or just spend time together reinforces that they're surrounded by people who care.
  • If, despite all of this, a child is still struggling to adjust, I don't hesitate to recommend bringing in a counselor or therapist.

Every child deserves the chance to come through this in a healthy way, and sometimes that means getting professional support involved.